To Woo A Christine
by GerryPhan
Summary: NEW CHAPTER! Erik must learn lessons in how to win back Christine. You help me teach him the next lesson, just tell me what it is in your reviews and I'll use that to help me with the next chapter. Remember your suggestions fuel me!
1. Erik Belly Dancing, this I Love!

Disclaimer: I own, drum roll please...nada! (that's Spanish for NOTHING!)

Setting: All this occurs after the movie, book, play ends.

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Somewhere deep under the Paris opera house, five cellars down to be exact, there was a certain shadowy figure sitting on a plush sofa with a Siamese cat next to him. 

Now being the author that I am, I decide to drop on by and say hello.

"Hello!" I yell inches from his ear.

"Yowl" Ayesha yelps and jumps a few feet off the sofa, almost as high as the man sitting next to her.

"Who are you... and how did you get in my lair?", asked the man in evening attire after he finally caught his breath from the moment before.

Keeping my hand at the level of my eyes I explain, "I am the author of this fan fiction and have complete control using my author super powers and my trusty side kick **_Laptop_** (insert evil laughter here while cape flowing in the wind even though were 5 cellars below ground)! You may call me Mrs. Phantom if you wish." A strange look came over him. He began to reach for his cape pocket as I continued. "Or just GP will do. I know all about you... Erik" He froze at the use of his name.

He stopped reaching for the lining of his cape pocket and said, "You presume to know me, but I think otherwise. Prove it!" He demanded as he resumed his former position on the sofa with a wave of his hand and smug demeanor about him.

I paused and thought for a moment. What could I tell him to believe me? Ah, I know just the thing! "I know of your love for Christine, and I'm here to help you win her back..." I could tell he was still unconvinced so I brought out the big guns, "... and that you still sleep with this little stuffed toy monkey with cymbals. I wonder how Christine would feel about a grown man who sleeps with, what was his name again? Say it Erik." I held up the old ragged doll (oh wait, sorry "Action Figure" for guys).

"Mr. Fluffels...noooooooo, why?" He collapsed on the floor crawling toward me with his hand outreached to Mr. Fluffels.

"Look I'm not going to hurt him, but now will you listen to me when I say I want to help you? The love lessons are for your own good Erik, and if Christine doesn't come back to you then, well, I guess I will just have to take her place..."

Immediately he stood up and took Mr. Fluffels from me, "When do we start?"

"That's better...I think? Anyway... There are a few things you must learn if you want Christine back. Number one... Erik? Are you listening to me?"

He was hugging the 'Action Figure' tightly whispering in a soothing voice, "Well never be parted again Mr. Fluffels, **_never_**."

I make an extremely loud coughing noise and he turns around with nothing in his hand as if it was all in my head, except I see a paw with a cymbal sticking out of his midnight colored cape.

"Rrrriiiight...As I was saying, Number one, a woman likes a man who can dance. That is why I brought over this incredible thing called a TV." (My Fic people, anything can happen if you close your eyes and just believe or click you heals or something like that) I turned it on to MTV. Erik was impressed by this box that held tiny people. I explained how it worked after his hand was sore from trying to reach into the TV and touch the things in the screen, OK I'll admit it I waited a while after his had was sore to explain to him, come on it was funny! Anyway... "So this is MTV and your new best friend. Let's see what video is on and I want you to copy how they are dancing. Got it? Good." Shakira came on. Figures, but I thought hey, what the heck and decided to have a little fun again. " OK, let's get started!" An evil grin began to overtake me but I was able to hide it very well.

"You want me to do...that?" Her body was twelve places at once. I nodded. He paled. Erik began nonetheless. Slowly his hips began to move, then his stomach followed by his chest and arms. If he had been a woman I would have thought him or her rather to be one of the best belly dancers, but come on let's just take it as it is, a six foot something middle aged man dressed in a tux with a mask. Currently gasping for breath...I'm ok now. Needless to say he didn't appreciate my ROTFLMAO. So I decided to change the channel to VH1. A video came on that he _could_ dance to and not be laughed at by Christine. After a few hours worth of practicing he was able to do all different styles of dance.

"Congratulations Erik, you did well and keep practicing. I think were ready to move on to the next lesson tomorrow."

Wearily he gave me a look but agreed otherwise. I was almost out of earshot when I heard all of a sudden talking and singing, "Come Mr. Fluffels, let me show you my new dances...It's bananas B - A - N - A - N - A - S!"

I roll my eyes and know I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

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I'll try and update this as much as I can, but I need your help. What lesson would you like to see Erik learn? I would like ideas. Review and let me know. -GP 


	2. Five Simple Rules

Disclaimer: me plus POTO equals N-O-T-H-I-N-G! Do I need to spell it out for you? Oh, I don't own Macarena, VH1 or anything else either, get off my back people, yesh! ;)

A/N: I haven't worked on this in forever! I'm so sorry but I've been so busy with "You were with me from the Beginning" that I haven't had a chance to do anything else and kind of needed a mental break. I'm not giving it up. In fact it will be up by later today, so check it out and don't forget to review it too!

Anyway... Wow I received a lot of input for this story. So I'm giving a shout out to people who review my fic and let me know their ideas for it, then creating my chapter based on what you say. This chapter goes along with the suggestions left by Arwythe and Bergerac. Thanks.

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The next morning I return to his lair and heard loud music before I even enter his home. It sounded vaguely familiar, then with terror my suspicions were confirmed just what the song was. 

"GP! I've been practicing since you left. Look at this new dance I just learned!" To my horror it was the Macarena.

"Erik...NOOOOOOOO!" I ran to the remote and turned of VH1's one hit wonders special.

"Why is this song so bad? It's kinda catchy." He then proceeded to put both hands on his hips, wiggle and turn. I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

"FOR THE LOVE OF MY REVIEWERS! STOP IT ERIK! JUST STOP!" At this point my eyes were a little bulgy and I began to sweat profusely.

"Control yourself, I've stopped, look ok? Why don't we move on to the next thing you want to teach me." I began to come out of my macarena educed coma and noticed his bewildered look.

Smiling as if nothing happened, I continued, "Right! Let's do that! Ok, first up, ways to be a true gentleman. I have a feeling we'll be referring to this lesson throughout the other lessons, but no matter, let's see just how far we get today! I consulted some opinions of my very trusted reviewers and we all agree that you seem to be lacking a bit in this area."

With an air of arrogance he responded, "Mademoiselle, I wrote the book on how to be a gentleman, observe!" He went to the table and pulled out my chair for me. After I was seated he placed my napkin on my lap, "Watch your hands buddy!" I retorted. He gave me a quick glance and scoffed, then seated himself across from me. He then proceeded to eat with utmost care and etiquette.

"All right, you have that part down. Now let me ask you something. Let's say I'm Christine in my room do you A) spy on me through my mirror or B) choose not to be a creep and don't watch me?"

"I have a hunch the answer is B, but what if she fell and need my assistance or something along those lines, you know she faints a lot?"

"Erik, she's not 80 and in need of a 'I've fallen and I can't get up' bracelet, ok? Look it just comes off a bit, how can I put this... Like a middle aged man living in his parents basement with lot's of comic books and star trek character cutouts as his only friends. So basically a weirdo. Get it? Good. Next, let's say you wanted to bring her here, what do you do?"

"Sing her an enchanting melody, then whisk her away in my arms... Then I would ask her to put on the wedding dress and marry me. She would and we would live happily ever after and have fifty seven children." A dreamy look came over his features and he kinda dare I say, drooled a bit.

"Ooooooookay? Um.. that's great Erik, but let's take this one step at a time. I think you have to first at least have some form of communication before that, like actual conversations without a mirror maybe? While were seated hear let's work on your social skills, you know, like the small talk, engaging her in a conversation and at the same time know how to charm her..."

He leaned closer and took my hand, "I can be _very_ charming..."

Before I became a pile of melted mush in my chair, I quickly shook it off. "Ok Mr. Charming, first question, say your at a party and you wish to make conversation, what do you say?"

"Hello, my name is Erik also known as the Phantom. I'm sorry if I tried to kill you ... So... have you noticed how the price of a Punjab lasso has really gone up lately? I prefer to make them myself. It's better quality and cheaper." A smug look came over his face (well what I could see of it anyway).

"Well... that's a very interesting open line. How about we avoid death as a conversation starter since it tends to make people nervous and stick with something simple like this. Hello, I'm Erik. This port is an excellent choice. Or something to that effect."

Erik looked frustrated at this point, a look that I soon learned would come over him often. "Why must I learn to converse with ballet rats and these pathetic excuses for chorus members? I don't go to parties."

"If you want to have Christine then you must become accustomed to this. Need I remind you of a certain party you did attend and ended up threatening half the people in the room."

"It was only the two managers, Carlotta, Piangi and Raoul, but he shouldn't even count." He began fiddling with his napkin.

I proceeded to pull out a chart labeled '5 rules to a fun party'.

"Ok Erik remember these things and you'll make Christine a happy woman.

Number one Dance Whenever she wants to. I love to dance and so do a lot of women. Do this and you'll be happy too. Number two Attend To Her Needs. Get her punch or help her with her coat."

Number three No Threatening People. A party is not the time to attend to such matters. So don't.

Number four Complements. And LOT'S of them. Her dress, her hair, perfume, jewelry whatever you want. Don't forget the more the better! You'd be surprised just how far flattery will get you, and don't be fake.

And finally the most important of all for you. Number five _No Killing_. It's just not a great party if someone ends up dead at the end, besides I would classify my date as going really bad if he was knocking off the guests, as would Christine."

"I get the point. I can behave when I want to."

"Then do it." I began to mumble something about men never really growing up.

"What was that?" I knew better than to actually answer him so I blew it off.

"Oh, nothing really."

"Now you see here, I'll prove to you I can do all this with my eyes closed!"

"Go ahead Romeo. I'm ready whenever you are." He stood and motioned me to do the same.

"My dear what a lovely gown your wearing. It doesn't compare though to your natural beauty. If I may have the honor of joining you for dinner tonight?"

"You may." He then led me back to my seat and began conversation.

"What a spectacular performance you gave tonight. I dare say no one could sing the roll of Elissa quite like you. Perhaps if you are not busy later on we can have a lesson and ready you for your next opera roll?" He excused himself from the table, and music began to play. "What a wonderfully enchanting song. Would you care to dance?" We did and he danced wonderfully. "Oh look, it's the Vicomte. Wave hello darling." I couldn't help but notice that he held me slightly tighter when he said that, still imagining me to be Christine. I had to admit however that he was trying.

"Well Erik, I must say that you passed this test."

"Was there any doubt?" I opened my mouth and he quickly covered it. "That was a rhetorical question. What's next?"

"Let's focus on Christine. I'm sure she'd be impressed if you could cook. So we'll work on your skills in the kitchen and exactly how to move the relationship to the next level without frightening the poor girl, and mentioning the fifty seven children you plan on having would do just that. So, were going to do some roll playing now before we begin our cooking class. Here's the set up, you invited Christine for dinner that you will cook and want to express your feelings for her. I'll be Christine and you be... well you. What would you say her?"

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A/N: Ok people... I'm going to get to more of your suggestions later and use those to set up our dear Erik's lessons I like The Mouse in the Opera House, Seized Sanity and Haley Macrae's suggestions and will be using one of those next. 

What I need to hear from you is what you would 1) think he would say in response to this question and I'll pick from your reviews, and 2) What response I should give to him. Just leave it in your review and let me know, but please no flames. Thanks a bunch - GP


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